Almost Lover
by pdshalstud
Summary: Neither of them can stop thinking about the shooting that almost killed Jay. Will she be able to admit her true feelings for him and will he feel the same way?...Yup, I still suck at this but is a little one-shot inspired by a LINSTEAD group chat.


**A/N: This fic came to be after someone shared her dream during a group chat on Tumblr, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So after a little convincing, I started writing. As always thank you to queseraone for editing and helping with everything to do with my fics. I hope you all enjoy it. **

XXXXXX

He wakes up with a jolt for the seventh night in a row. His body soaked in sweat and his heart is pounding. The image of the love of his life being shot by Angela in that basement playing on a loop in his head.

He reaches out for her but the cold sheets remind him that she went out. She's been here with him since the night he was released from the hospital. The only other person that knows she's here is Kim and a part of him wishes that no one knew so he could spend as much time with her as possible.

He finds himself moving over to his gun safe. His mind is still foggy with sleep, preventing him from unlocking the safe as quickly as he usually does. He moves his gun to the side to see the small red box. He picks it up with his good hand and walks back over to the bed. The mattress squeaking slightly when he sits down, his eyes cast down at the box sitting on his nightstand. He's not sure how long he sits there or even what time it is before he reaches to grab his phone. His thumb hovers over the green call button after he clicked on her name.

XXXXXX

Her phone vibrates against the bar top just as her and Kim each got another beer. Kim's brown eyes look down at the phone first before she turns it over. Both of their brows furrowing as they see his name on the screen.

She can tell he's nervous when he starts rambling about a dream he had. She takes a pull from the brown bottle in her hand as she lets him vent to her. Then he whispers "I need to talk to you." And she puts some cash on the counter before telling Kim she has to go. Kim nods understandably and gets up to give her a hug. Then she rushes out of the somewhat crowded bar.

XXXXXX

One week. It's been one week since Jay was released from the hospital. And a little longer than that since the feelings she's been burying down came soring to the surface.

She was so close to telling him. She was seconds away from confessing her love for her partner. The expectant expression on his face as he waited for her to say something gave her hope – the look in his eyes made her think that maybe he felt the same but then his phone rang. The memory has been replaying in mind every other moment, even more so as she drives to his apartment building. Giving herself a little pep talk and trying to bring out the fearlessness she feels on the job. But it doesn't last as she ascends the stairs to his floor and she can feel the uneasiness from the hospital coming back to her tenfold. She lifts her clenched fist to hover just to the side of the worn bronze numbers, taking another deep breath before her knuckles meet the wood.

She can hear her heart pounding in her chest as she waits for him to answer. The thought of turning around and leaving before he opens the door crosses her mind when the first minute passes by. But then the lock clicks and the door is being pulled back.

Erin is standing there in one of Jay's hoodies, her eyes on the wallet in her hand. "How much do I -" Then she looks up and the seconds drag by like hours as their eyes meet. Both of them shocked to see the other. Hazel eyes boring into blue, undoubtedly honing in on their detective skills to try and figure out what the other is doing here.

Erin recognizes the look in the blonde's eyes almost instantly –it's not much different than the one she had in her eyes when she first realized she loved Jay.

She shakes her head choosing not to entertain that thought. "Hailey. I'm sorry, I thought you were the pizza guy – is everything ok?"

"Yeah, I just came to check on Jay but I uh….I'll just see him tomorrow." She turns to leave, blinking back the tears in her eyes.

But then the door closes. "Wait Hailey." Erin walks over, putting her hands in the pouch of the oversized sweatshirt. "I'm sorry."

Hailey avoids looking at her but her head snaps up at that, her eyebrows furrowing a little as she shakes her head. Then there's an understanding look being shared between the two women before Hailey's gaze falls to the floor once more as she shrugs. "Don't be." She shakes her head then there's a pregnant pause before she continues. "You can't help who you love, right?"

She can see Erin nod in her peripheral vision. Erin was just about to respond when they hear Jay.

"Babe, what's going on?" His voice travels through the small hall as he walks over to them, obviously not seeing Hailey yet. "Hailey." His blissful expression vanishing when his eyes land on his partner - if he can even call her that anymore.

Erin feels the awkward tension and decides to give the partners a few minutes to talk. "I'm going to go get some cash." She points her thumb over her shoulder.

Jay looks over at her and nods. She glances at Hailey with a tight lipped smile on her face as she gives her a quick nod before walking away. It's not until then that Hailey sees it. The long sleeve of Jay's hoodie is bunched up and not quite covering Erin's hand and she didn't think it was possible but her heart just sank even more.

Eventually she turns her attention to Jay. "So does this mean you're leaving Chicago?"

"I left Chicago a long time ago Hails - at least a part of me did. My life, my future." He looks back at his apartment briefly "My heart has been in New York for years." He feels bad when she looks away from him.

Then she nods, telling herself she at least needs to say what she came here to say and get it off her chest. "At the hospital I realized some things and I wanted to tell you but then your phone rang. I kept trying to convince myself it was for the best. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I came here to tell you how I feel."

She lets out a sad chuckle and another deep breath.

He wants to tell her how he and Erin got together again a while back. How he's grateful for everything she's done for him and that he's sorry but he can't form the words before she continues. "I wanted to see if you felt the same way about me but I guess it's a good thing I didn't get the chance."

"Hailey I-" He shakes his head, his nose scrunching ever-so-slightly, almost like when he tells a lie.

"If you're about to apologize Jay, don't. Deep down I knew." She attempts a smile "I knew that you still loved her. That you'd always love her. And I can't hold that against you. She's who makes you happy and you deserve that happiness Jay." She sniffles as she looks down, her hands in her pockets.

He nods again as he steps forward – seeing the tears welling in her eyes and wanting to provide some type of comfort.

The moment she feels his arms wrap around her is when she finally breaks down. Their silent goodbye hangs in the air for a few seconds before they step back. "Thanks Hailey."

She looks back at apartment after he closes the door behind him. A sad smile comes to her face knowing that this is the last time she'll be here - the last time she'll see him. Another tear rolls down her cheek as she whispers "Have a good life Jay."


End file.
